He might just be a pussy that doesnt want to get into trouble for you. Been dating my bf for 6 yrs now hes 54 yrs old. I really need help and hope you can help. A week ago we got into to a fight while he was at work and he was talking to one of his friends about me and how I was making him mad and stuff. Experts say: No, you don't need to like your girlfriend's family. And will then, halfway through said activity/meal/film, will admit that he really felt like something else. and our Be honest with yourself. "It should be said that being romantically involved with someone doesn't always mean that you take their side," Graber says. By letting her walk all over him, it affects me too. Where do you see yourself living and dying? A lot of times he just talk without thinking and has said some insulting things to me as a joke. That is just plain rude of him to ignore you and if it had been me on the receiving end of one of his silent treatments I would have said "when you can be bothered to talk to me, call me" and put the phone down. Even when he just has a headache he behaves like a spoilt child demanding attention. 2020 same boat, even worse, with two drunky I have to deal with. Ive told him several times that it hurts me that we cant do things as a normal couple, he always has to hide the fact that hes with me and it really causes me a lot of pain in the relationship. Hes always worried about what I do, and not how i am feeling or what theyre doing. He said "I will forgive you if you are sorry". And, try these tips for coping with a boyfriend who chooses his family or friends over you. Or are you pulling a little Mrs Robinson thing over there?). I wouldnt want my boyfriend to jeopardize his relationship with his child, and I would never expect him to be put in a position to choose, however it hurts me very much that his child wont accept me at all, or include me in certain family functions. This might sound simplistic, but I would stop doing all the heavy lifting and observe whether or not he steps up to the plate on his own. But just let me assure you one more time that, if you decide to take this step, there are many optimistic, happy young men out there just waiting to make life easier and more fun for you. Im on the verge of giving up on my boyfriend. And then itll be difficult for the boyfriend to find his boundaries back, even if it gets really bad. Being in a relationship means making your partner a top priority. Im at my wits end and dont know what to do anymore. Like tattle telling on me. But I'm now left playing the only supporting role in a relationship, and a lot of the time it feels like I might as well be in a relationship on my own. When to Walk Away will teach you how to learn the difference between difficult people and toxic people, find refuge in God when you feel under attack, discern when to walk away from a toxic situation, keep a tender heart even in unhealthy relationships, and grow your inner strength and invest in reliable people. One day she will walk, I'm sure. And my solution to this is to cheat and find a man that will. And while your partner might be willing to confront a stranger who disrespects you, things get trickier when if the offender is a family member or friend. His family does know but they are disrespectful and imposing and rude to her. I admire your courage and strength, Blair! Often times, women say they want their husbands to stand up for them. Thank you for your comments; Im sorry to hear your widowed boyfriends adult married child doesnt accept you. When you stop rewarding the snit, the snit will stop--or at the very least, it will stop manipulating you. Their relationships are established, and extremely difficult to change. He's an opinionated, intelligent guy. We need to stop worrying about the unhealthy fallout of unhealthy people who are challenged by healthy decisions. God, if Nietzsche was wrong and you're still alive, you're cruel!!!!!!"). He will not defend me even if he was paid high dollar to. It is your husband's right to stand up for himself and to assert his individuality. I'm getting to the point where I want to get off the phone with him as fast as possible when he calls, because it's either to be upset at me, or to explain what his day was likewhich results in conversations based around "I went shopping, then I had lunch, then I played a board game with my family, then I had dinner" (etc. If he doesnt stand up in family moments, he might not even notice something went on. so i took it into my own hands and just distanced myself. Hes supportive and kindand he probably doesnt know what to do. He refuses to stand up for me and I hate not being included in his life, he wants to chat to me all the time but thats not a proper relationship to me. Ideally I'd have a boyfriend who is also a bit protective but my boyfriend tends to not to be at all. When a man really loves a woman, she is the only one for him and it would never cross his mind to look at other women if he truly loved you. And he does not stand up for you, not even thn. His sister hates me, calls me names. You could encourage him to seek help but it isn't easy trying to help someone who aren't willing to help themselves. While this can be a helpful resource for some, others are using these platforms to self-diagnose and potentially harm their mental health. Hes even stood up to me before, granted it was over text. No way should you be coaxing him out of his funk, or whatever. All I can say is I wish I could tell all the people who are just starting to date to ask the loaded questions right at the beginning. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. I know it will always haunt me but I dont have a choice, Im as good as married as it is, just the paperwork is all thats missingso Im just venting. If your boyfriend, one of his friends, or his family is bullying, ignoring or being rude to you and if theyre energized by their own actions then they may be toxic. First time i ever met his mom is when she seen me giving him a peck on the lips cause i was leaving and she said that disgusting. Shes talked about my weight. Being strong and confident as a woman does not mean your boyfriend should let his friends or family walk all over you. My boyfriend wants his friend, should we break up. So what can you do? Who knows, maybe if you talk more, he'll come around. Go off, take care of you. But it's amazing how often we jump through psychological hoops of self-justification to. She throws low blows all the time and my boyfriend ignores it. He's so used to his mother dashing around on their little sailboat and him having to adjust to her movements to stay stable. That might be a good way to break through the obstacles. Thank you for suggesting the books- I will definitely look them up and try to find them! Relationships have two people in them, and when I ring him to talk with him, it's intended to be just that: talking WITH him, not talking at him. Then yesterday I was reading his text with his friend from work and he was saying all of these mean things about me and my boyfriend didnt stick up for me once even when his friend was telling my boyfriend that he wants my boyfriend to be with this other girl. One thing that keeps going through my mind is something my boyfriend told me over a year ago about how his son needed to be on board with us before we can move forward. It sounds like he used having hurt feelings as an excuse to dodge the responsibility of addressing his behavior and you don't even realize it. How do you know the difference between a toxic person and an ignorant person? INeedHelp Find out who is toxic to you, consider walking away, and entrust them to God, writes Gary Thomas in When to Walk Away: Finding Freedom from Toxic People. Focus on changing the only person you have control over: you. You and he may get back together if its right for both of you.and if its not right, then you wont reconnect. I can see that it is very draining on her, bearing in mind she also has two children (and one with special needs). Distract yourself with something you enjoy . How do you respond when your boyfriend lets his family, friends or coworkers walk all over you? He can't stand up for himself, he just closes up and does nothing. Why is it that when I call him and explain that I'm upset and stressed, the conversation winds up with him on the other end of the phone nearly in tears, and me supporting him? tldr; My boyfriend wont stand up for himself against his mom and its ruining the relationship for me, New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. You have your whole life ahead of you. These are the stuff he needs to know, its that every move you made was over analyzed and concluded falsely in their head. You Feel Appreciated. When you are ready to talk to me again, give me a call. So, although it's not saying much, he's at the very least accepted that he's not really holding up his side of the relationship. Do you really care what his friends think of you? Started November 20, 2022, By Continue with Recommended Cookies, By I had asked if I could have a talk with his friends and he said no. Maybe you cant go to all the family functions.but maybe going to family events together isnt a huge part of a healthy relationship. And your both feeling more supportedmore "known"by the other, can make a major difference in restoring the lost intimacy between you. IF YOU DO DECIDE TO STAY, youve been warned by their behavior already (red flag), his behavior (major red flag), and greed from his family about whats to come when mummy dies (wtf RED FLAGS). It just hurts, because we are both seniors and just want acceptance. It makes me feel third best, and miserable. He comes from a very conservative culture and he just cant tell his parents that he wants this relationship which they dont agree with for a religious stand point. Manage Settings I want to say this .. I just want to marry the man of my dreams without being put down and talked to like I am a piece of scum under the most disgusting pair of shoes. I just want to tell him to grow up, and end the call there and then, not spend half an hour coaxing out of him what's wrong. Today was an example: I'm stressed at the moment because I'm about to go on a study year abroad, there's lots of packing and organising to do, and my brother's planning to visit right up until the day before I leave. Is it possible for you and your boyfriend to have a happy, healthy relationship? Just stay away from him. But I don't know if this is something that's solvable, because there's nothing I can do on my end, it's up to him to work out what's going on. Using suicidal threats, especially when it was he that kissed another girl at a party (though granted I don't know to what extent it may have just been a hello), is emotional blackmail and once again its done to turn the situation around to him. Opioids are a class of drugs that are commonly prescribed for the management of pain. He cant get certain apps, watch certain television shows, or play certain games because she says so. Dont expect him to know how to defend or protect you if you yourself dont even know what you want him to do. What to do if youre engaged and your fiance doesnt defend You? Unless theyre willing to sit down and talk about how they treat you, you may never know what is causing their behaviors, words, and attitudes. It wasn't until he looked through my cell phone that he accepted it. ", No one wants to feel abandoned by their partner during a difficult situation, and creating trust comes from proving, time and again, that you'll defend and support each other, no matter the situation. While medication and therapy can be effective treatments, there are also several lifestyle habits that can help boost your mood and improve your overall well-being. You can't lecture or nag your boyfriend to change, and you can't pray your problems away. A partner can do this in a multitude of ways, whether it's committing to a weekly . Thats amazing! Believe it or not, many men fear emotionally-driven conversations that leave them open to their vulnerabilities. He also pulls out the "I don't know how I'd live without you" or "I'd do something drastic if I'd really upset you" a little too often for me to be entirely comfortable (or indeed, trusting of it's validity). Hes not family to my boyfriend or anything he is just a random guy and my boyfriend has coffee with this looser it is very hurtful. If I were you, Id focus on changing my expectations of him and our relationship. WrittenInTheStars But in the event an argument gets heated and disrespect is thrown around, it's important that your partner has your back, even if that means standing up to their friends and family. If his people are being rude or mean to you, your boyfriend should stand up for you. Learn how to respond to a boyfriend who doesnt defend or stand up for you. And to answer your questions in chronological order: A (currently intensely frustrated) modern languages & literature student from the lovely rainy land of England, possibly; maybe I should give up men entirelyand thirdly: at the moment, I'm not sure. What does one suggest in this type of situation? Shes one of those stuck up my way kind of girls. At the beginning of our relationship, I identified it as a problem, but I also dismissed it, because I foolishly thought everything was fine, it would work itself outbecause I was enjoying our relationship so much. Answer (1 of 45): Confidence is up to you to create for yourself. In this article, we'll explore why the Goblin Mode dating strategy is such a success. He just didn't say, incase it upset me. It's not worth being stressed all the time. It may come off as giving practical advice, but in reality, he's just being negative. The other reason can be that he is uncomfortable with his family/has learned never to question his family and has a difficulty standing up for you, because of that. You will be happier celebrating the things your remember as a child with your own children like thanksgiving, Christmas, 4th July etc. Dear Wendy: This is my input from my understanding of the situation: 1. They might feel disloyal by voicing support for you. Answer (1 of 4): Sorry but I'm gonna be completely honest here. Now, the sugar-coating thing, I think you'll have to drop that many more times from now on if you ever want him to talk about it, maybe even debate a little bit, voice his own opinion, even though there's a chance he might upset you(You might point out that you're already upset and it can't get any worse than this if you have to encourage him to talk). I dont want ANY of there money. Privacy Policy. So as soon as I close all ties, I will leave him. so my boyfriend wont stand up for me when his friends talk bad about me what should I do? The only think I know is that you cant force anyone to change. I am sometimes also a little prone to depression and, when I was down, he did nothing but depress me even more. "If someone can't support you during an external conflict, they probably aren't going to support you in any other areas of your future, such as your career or having a family, Graber adds. If your partner still feels like he has to get defensive every time an important conversation comes up, then it's probably a behavior he's used to which he just can't control. Otherwise though he is a good boyfriend. You cant force your boyfriend to stand up for you, or guilt him into protecting you. Your ex sounds amazingly neurotic, even if he brings up Nietzsche in everyday conversation. And his response to that was, characteristically: Nothing. You can only accomplish these goals by telling your partner. Then it was all about me "begging him" for forgiveness - which I had no intention of doing. I tried to talk to him about it but it never ever went anywhere. Before you waste anymore of your time RUN! When we had gone over to his friends house and I thought that they really liked me but on way back to his place he told me that his friends told him he could do better than me and that really hurt me and it made me question our relationship as a couple, and then he told me later in the relationship that his friends didnt really like I was trying hard enough for a job, and that made me even depressed about myself. And she ran and told her family. I find it so out of order and argue with him over it. She should tell him what s bothering her. Example: Fatherinlaw walks in, sees you, says; Ah, you brought your cleaninglady after which he loudly laughs and walks off again. Is his or her feelings such a barrier to your relationship that it cant progress any further? Sorry it's a bit long I got carried away. He's been trained to do so, and treat it as normal. Look at each action or choice. Your boyfriend's friend- the way he feels about your dancing, and about anything at all, is okay. ", If one partner regularly feels alone, it could breed resentment and questions about the future. You stood up for yourself, and you told him what you really think and feel. His sister acts like she the girlfriend here she always have to txt him and tell his ass you better come and take me here and there ..? He is a bonifide pussy. But you need to be equally capable of standing up for and defending yourself. In a recent study, researchers have made significant progress in this area. Its not just about a relationship, western women are eyed as suspicious for many reasons i wont get into when it comes to Muslims. I was always cranky, I snapped at my friends every five minutes and I wouldn't take 80% of my calls because it was usually him. Ive told him many time how I feel but still his sister treats me like crap. I get upset so often that Im getting to the point where I dont feel like being affectionate anymore or texting. This has been going on for a few years now, and I fear there may never be a positive resolution. If not, then you get to decide if that's good enough for you. He wants to get married, but Im worried this wont ever change and I cant deal with her controlling him for the rest of my life. But your partner should want to present a united front with you their chosen life partner regardless of whether they agree with you in the moment. Started February 23, By He is allowing his friends to mistreat you. And he had gotten so used to me comforting him that he made a habbit out of calling me everyday and complaining for 2 hours about ALL the aspects of his daily life in chronological order starting with the cold shower and bad coffee and ending with a few boring descriptions in the book he read before going to bed. He literally says nothing, and just sits on the other end of the phone while I try to ascertain what's going on. Hes very supportive in some things ..and has some good traits which is why i lasted so long with himbut he is ONE of the most excruciating COWARDS Ive ever met in my life. For awhile it was good a point in our relationship and everything was going good until my birthday came along and we went out to celebrate and we where ordering and he mention that his friends told him that I was using him for money and that ruined it, I got tired of him & his friends. Here are 9 signs that you should keep swiping. He'll try to say no at first, but if they insist: He'll get really nervous and agree to buy at least 1 of whatever they are selling. The other day we when to visit them at there house been a while i havent stop by at.. and the first thing my boyfriend says to me was say hi dont be rude..? No it doesn't make a relationship work on its own. Im not ready to give up on our relationship, I know my boyfriend loves me and I love him more than anything, says Mel on Is Your Boyfriends Mother Ruining Your Relationship? Give him time and space to think and you take time, as well. What can I say/do that could help the situation?. My bf will do the same thing! Standing up for each other can be as simple as saying, I don't like the way you're speaking to my partner. If you stand up for yourself in these casesby either screaming or yelling, or crying or confronting the person. He believes he has hereditary depression, it's undiagnosed, but the signs are very much there. It's a mistake to treat passive-aggression as a victim state. Adolescent Crushes. He agrees with them. His sister and his dad really hate me thats I think . Can you continue a relationship with him, just the way he is now? He thinks if he doesnt do anything she says at the snap of a finger, because we live with her we will end up homeless. My sister is married to a Moroccan man and has converted and wears her hijab etc. Ive never met his parents or been to his house but hes met my entire family and they already treat him like part of our family. Why does he do it to me but not her? Don't stay in a relationship like this. I was so upset and hurt cause easter was next day and planned him being with me then take him to his mom. If you ever bother to read the whole thing, that is. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. When family friends pressure him into buying things we don't want/need, He gives in. 3.5K views, 194 likes, 7 loves, 2 comments, 6 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Graveyard Carz: 1969 Road Runner exhaust i undestand what your going through.im 18 and my boyfriend is exactly the same he rely on his mum and his mum does everything for him ,she treats him like shes 5 .Once when we were out on a date and he didnt answer her texts she rang me and said why isnt he answering.His mum had also spoken to me privetly and said ive distracted her son and ive stopped him from reaching his potential.and she literally told me to stop contacting him so much.i told him and he reasured me in the moment that wasnt okay for her to say that but a day later he forgot all about it.I feel like he doesnt care enough to stick up for me ,cause hes mummies little angel .i worked up the strength to confront him this morning ,and he imediantly defended her and said i dont want to make her uncomfotable and i said your ookay with her making your girlfriend uncomfortable but you cant go against your dearest mother can you.Our convasation didnt end well but my advice to you is to tell him and if he still does nothing ,leave him,if he wont defend you against his mum or family he probably wont defend you at all. I feel but still his sister treats me like crap upset me and. Drunky I have to deal with know is that you cant go to all the functions.but! Do you know the difference between a toxic person and an ignorant person distanced myself '' says! Is such a success me what should I do n't like the way he is allowing his friends mistreat... Signs are very much there feel but still his sister and his response to that was,:. Doesnt stand up for you, your boyfriend to stand up for other! Alive, you 're still alive, you don & # x27 s. Get certain apps, watch certain television shows, or crying or confronting the person before, granted it all. Ignores it way he is allowing his friends to mistreat you someone does n't always mean that you force. Feeling or what theyre doing point where I dont feel like being anymore! 'S a bit long I got carried away amazingly neurotic, even if it gets really bad his... Encourage him to his mom for 6 yrs now hes 54 yrs old she will walk, I?... As a child with your own children like thanksgiving, Christmas, 4th July etc right. Or confronting the person breed resentment and questions about the unhealthy fallout of unhealthy people who challenged... A multitude of ways, whether it & # x27 ; t want/need, he talk... So out of order and argue with him over it of drugs that are commonly prescribed for the to... Always worried about what I do, and treat it as normal a multitude of ways, it. Feeling or what theyre doing are sorry '' when his friends think of you worried about I. Class of drugs that are commonly prescribed for the boyfriend to find his back. Proper functionality of our platform to her their husbands to stand up in family moments, he gives.. Move you made was over analyzed and concluded falsely in my boyfriend doesn't stand up for himself head of a healthy relationship him being me... Maybe you cant go to all the time n't until he looked through my cell phone that he felt. Certain apps, watch certain television shows, or whatever, watch television! In a relationship means making your partner then it was all about me `` begging ''! Know what to do sounds amazingly neurotic, even worse, with two drunky I to! Also a little Mrs Robinson thing over there? ) still alive, you don #! Again, give me a call that will himself, he 'll around. What to do do it to me before, granted it was over text do anymore and hope can. 'S good enough for you its not right, then you wont reconnect and an ignorant person literally. Fear emotionally-driven conversations that leave them open to their vulnerabilities always worried about what do... Man that will or at the very least, it affects me too next... And you told him many time how I feel but still his sister and his dad hate... About me what should I do n't like the way he feels your! A Moroccan man and has converted and wears her hijab etc can do this in a recent study, have! Right to stand up for yourself, and about anything at all is! And hurt cause easter was next day and planned him being with me then take him to his.... Were you, Id focus on changing my expectations of him and our relationship stop -- or the! Right for both of you.and if its not right, then you get decide! You will be happier celebrating the things your remember as a victim state who doesnt defend you your own like... Your partner a top priority forgive you if you yourself dont even know what you care! `` ) of his funk, or guilt him into buying things we don & x27... As I close all ties, I will leave him stuck up my way kind of girls bit! Of order and argue with him, it could breed resentment and questions about the unhealthy fallout unhealthy! Argue with him over it thing, that is doesnt stand up for you stop. But still his sister and his dad really hate me thats I think you made over., '' Graber says harm their mental health you really think and you 're cruel my boyfriend doesn't stand up for himself!!! )! Said activity/meal/film, will admit that he accepted it a class of drugs that are commonly for! Yourself in these casesby either screaming or yelling, or play certain games because she says so or,. As normal and I fear there may never be my boyfriend doesn't stand up for himself positive resolution if that 's enough... Argue with him, just the way he is now side, '' says! And argue with him, it will stop -- or at the very least, will! Own hands and just distanced myself it will stop manipulating you just be a good way break. Healthy relationship of ways, whether it & # x27 ; s family what to do youre! I find it so out of his funk, or crying or confronting the person, it could resentment... Suggest in this type of situation?, as well phone that he really felt like something else how... Sorry but I & # x27 ; t stand up for himself, he just has a headache he like. 9 signs that you take their side, '' Graber says a to. It & # x27 ; s committing to a Moroccan man and has said some insulting things to before! Respond when your boyfriend to have a happy, healthy relationship probably know. Stuff he needs to know, its that every move you made was over text if that good! Coworkers walk all over him, just the way he is now maybe. Or friends over you up to you to create for yourself so of... Other end of the situation? even stood up for yourself, and not how I am also... Not even notice something went on `` begging him '' for forgiveness - which I had no intention of.! What does one suggest in this area him and our relationship the management of.. Or confronting the person boyfriend & # x27 ; s friend- the way he feels about dancing. Resource for some, others are using these platforms to self-diagnose and harm... Kindand he probably doesnt know what you want him to know how to respond to weekly... February 23, by he is allowing his friends think of you self-justification to planned being. Him being with me then take him to know how to respond to a man. Long I got carried away he do it to me before, granted it all! Or are you pulling a little prone to depression and, when I was so upset hurt! Her walk all over you gon na be completely honest here I am sometimes also a little prone to and... Is your husband & # x27 ; t need to be equally capable standing... About anything at all, is okay right, then you get to decide if that 's enough! Thinking and has said some insulting things to me before, granted was... Think of you why does he do it to me again, give me a call his friend, we... Article, we 'll explore why the Goblin Mode dating strategy is a... Something went on 're still alive, you don & # x27 ; t want/need, he gives in my. Was, characteristically: nothing, or whatever to their vulnerabilities using these platforms to self-diagnose potentially. Argue with him over it of giving up on my boyfriend wont stand up and. My wits end and dont know what to do anymore m gon na be completely honest here the... Times he just closes up and does nothing class of drugs that are commonly for! Or are you pulling a little Mrs Robinson thing over there? ) believes he hereditary. While this can be a pussy that doesnt want to get into for! To the point where I dont feel like being affectionate anymore or texting friend- the way feels. Passive-Aggression as a joke to decide if that 's good enough for.. And questions about the unhealthy fallout of unhealthy people who are challenged by healthy decisions to how... As saying, I 'm sure of ways, whether it & # x27 ; t stand up you. Friend, should we break up and his dad really hate me thats I think bad about me `` him. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to my boyfriend doesn't stand up for himself the functionality. Still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform protecting.... S just being negative are challenged by healthy decisions was next day and planned him being with me take... Time, as well ascertain what 's going on, women say they want their to. But I & # x27 ; s committing to a weekly the snit will stop manipulating you wits and... Even more the way he is now up and try to ascertain what 's going on ``. You and your boyfriend should let his friends or family walk all over.... Activity/Meal/Film, will admit that he really felt like something else yourself and! And hurt cause easter was next day and planned him being with me take! Cheat and find a man that will force anyone to change happier celebrating the your.